


Sheila's Spa and Shellfish

by IncurablePeppermint



Series: Femslash Feb 2021 [1]
Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Blind Date, Enemies to they're going on a date, F/F, Femslash February, I don't think I'd call them lovers lmao, Spa Treatments, This is the RED prompt by the way!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29302680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncurablePeppermint/pseuds/IncurablePeppermint
Summary: (Femslash Feb 2021 Prompt: Red)Tina Belcher signs up for a spa day/dinner blind date package in hopes of getting a new boyfriend in time for Valentine's day. Unfortunately when she shows up she finds out her date is Wagstaff's resident mean girl, Tammy Larsen.
Relationships: Tina Belcher/Tammy Larsen
Series: Femslash Feb 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160165
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Sheila's Spa and Shellfish

It took a full two months of tip saving to put together enough money to sign up for the blind date spa day package at Sheila's Spa and Shellfish. Tina stares into the storefront , her heart in her stomach. Or her throat. Somewhere it isn't supposed to be, anyway.The package was mostly expensive because of the seafood dinner that comes with the date. But she can’t be with someone who’s allergic to shellfish. She lives walking distance from the beach and can’t afford to lose a boyfriend to a particularly crab-filled ocean wave.

Tina adjusts her glasses, then starts to step towards the door. She takes the step back away from it again. It’s too late for a refund, but she’s getting pretty nervous about her potential seafood-allergy-free date. The receptionist (who seems to be ‘Shellfish Sheila’, from her nametag), opens the door and motions for Tina to come in. "Alright kid. I know you youngfolk get nervous about mud wraps but if ya don't get in here soon I have to refund your date." Tina gives a nervous groan, but dutifully enters.

Inside she's greeted by the not-unpleasant but very strange scent combination of coconut shrimp and spearmint aromatherapy candles. There’s a hall splitting the Spa side and Shellfish side right past the initial lobby. "She's already in and waitin' kid. I know your form said ya wanted a guy, but none of ‘em signed up." Sheila adds, "Men don't appreciate good oysters," under her breath.

Tina deflates. The whole point of this was to hook up with a sensitive boy who isn't afraid of manicures. Or maybe a bad boy heartthrob with a hankering for shrimp cocktail. A hot teen boy in general. But... Socializing with a girl who has similar taste in men doesn’t sound too bad. Besides, Tina knows she only gets a refund if there’s shellfish in the face masks or her date doesn’t show. She might as well enjoy a mani-pedi-lobster dinner.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I mean… Not what I was hoping for but I…” Tina blabbers as she walks towards the spa-side door. Sheila doesn’t seem to be paying too much attention to Tina’s nervous complaints. Which is a little rude but she supposes it’s not Sheila’s fault there wasn’t any hunky crab-leg aficionados to set Tina up with.

As they close in on the door a complaint rings right through it. "Did I  _ say _ you could switch feet? If I'm not getting a date out of this I'm at least getting a great massage." Tina cringes. She doesn’t have to enter the room. She knows for absolute certain whose shrill, demanding voice that is. There's no way she can go through a whole spa-pseduo-date with  _ Tammy Larsen _ . Absolutely not. No way. 

"In ya go."

Sheila gives Tina a 'helpful' shove into the room and shuts the door behind her. Tammy (and sure enough, it's Tammy) turns her head at the noise, then snorts. "Of course it's you. Ugh. Don't be too annoying, okay?" Tammy rolls her eyes.

A worker ushers Tina to a pedicure chair beside Tammy's. "Maybe I will be," Tina says in a poor attempt at defiance. The water she sinks her feet into feels way too hot, like they’re trying to boil lobsters and prep her toes in the same water. She squints down at the foot bath suspiciously, but doesn’t make any complaints. She doesn’t want Tammy to say she’s overreacting.

Tammy snorts. "Okay, yeah. Whatever. Spa-waiter?  _ Now _ you can switch feet.” The worker massaging Tammy's feet glares up at her, but doesn't argue.

"You don't have to be so rude."

"Shove it up your nose, Tina. Being rude is, like, part of the experience."

"It's really not."

"It totally is! Ugh. I'll act 'nice' if it makes you stop nagging me though."

"I mean, I won't have anything to complain about if you stop. So.. I guess, yeah?"

" _ Fine _ . But I'm telling Jocelyn you were a total boob punch today."

"You tell Jocelyn I'm a boob punch all the time."

Their pedicurists soon get to work on the polish part of the pedicure. It's a shimmery, opalescent red for both of them. For Valentine's day, but also apparently because there was an  _ incident _ involving escaped lobsters that ruined all the other colors except puke green and grandma mauve. Red was the only valid choice, even if it feels a little  _ wild _ for Tina.

"Ugh, this is  _ such _ a pretty color. It's totally wasted on your weird feet."

"My feet are normal. I think..?"

"No they're totally weird! Your toes are like, super long."

" _ You're _ totally weird for caring what my feet look like."

"I don't  _ care _ I just... Ugh, shut up."

"You started it, I'm just trying to enjoy the spa even though you're my terrible date."

"Oh this is not a  _ date _ . I can do so much better than you."

"See, there you go! You know we both signed up for a blind date, and I call it that, and you get mean."

"Well, I didn't sign up for a date with a loser."

"I didn't sign up for a date with a jerk, but we're both here. So maybe you could chill out for  _ once _ ."

Tammy glares at her for a moment, then turns away as much as she can in their restrictive spa chairs. "Fine, fine. I'll play nicer. Today."

"You  _ should _ just do that in general. But okay. Yeah."

Tina's spa worker takes her hand to start her manicure. The way the nail file scrapes against the edges is uncomfortable in a visceral way, but Tina just clenches her jaw through it. Even if she's agreed to stop acting like a jerk for the day, Tina doesn't want to risk handing Tammy any free teasing ammo. Mostly because she doesn’t think Tammy will even kind of be true to her word.

“Hold your hand up in front of your face,” Tammy demands once one of Tina’s hands have been left alone to dry. Tina obliges, trying to be civil. “No, not like that. No. No. Closer. Yes.” She snaps a picture before Tina can even process that she’s brought out her phone. “Ugh, look at that. It makes you look human.”

“What?”

“The nail polish, you’re _ clearly _ an Autumn and you keep dressing super Summer drab. Here, look.”

She turns her phone so Tina can see it. It’s framed so that Tina’s hand is covering the blue of her shirt, and the deep, shimmering red of her nails is close to her face. It does make her look brighter, kind of. If she had to figure out a word for it.

“Yeah, I think I see what you mean. I’m not sure I understand but...”

“Of course you see it! It’s so obviously true. And it means you should wear more reds. Or mustard.”

“Like a hot dog.”

“Sure, whatever.”

Tammy slips the phone back into her pocket so she can get on with the rest of her manicure. Tina doesn’t see her delete the picture, but she doesn’t say anything about it. If Tammy really is going to play nice for now she’s not going to do anything to ruin it. Instead, she holds her finished hand out away from her and tries to figure out why red makes her face look lively and what exactly ‘an Autumn’ means. 

Through the rest of their ‘spa day’ Tammy stays mostly quiet. Enough so that Tina is too suspicious to be relieved that she’s not running her big, rude mouth. She  _ can’t _ freak out on Tammy for no reason, though. That would make Tina the problem and give Tammy the greenlight to call her a pube twist or tell her to keep her boobs in a tube or some other nonsense phrase that frustrates Tina to no end.

It changes when they sit down for dinner, though. “Finally, I’m sta-arving. This comes with a white wine, right? You just  _ have _ to pair fish with white wine.” The waiter looks at her incredulously for a moment, but _ does _ come back with sparkling white grape juice. Tina reads the bottle as he pours to make absolutely sure it’s just juice before accepting a glass. 

Tammy swirls it around in her glass and smells it, pinky out to be fancy. Tina has to wonder if she’s actually fooled, like when they both thought Margarita mix was alcoholic on its own. Or if she’s just doing it for fun, roleplaying as an adult. 

“Hey Tammy?”

“What?”

“If I’m an Autumn, what are you?”

“Spring.”

“Why?”

“Well, I’m blonde and then… I just am, okay?”

“Oh, okay. It’s just something you have an eye for, then?”

“I mean, yeah. I guess I do. I need to since I’m going to be a stylist.”

“Oh, that’s neat.”

“Yeah. I’m, like, really good at fashion and looking hot. So I should really share that with the world.”

“So if I’m an Autumn?”

“You need to stop wearing washed out colors. Like, even just holding your deep red nails near your face makes it pop.”

“You think I pop?”

“What? No, I mean. The red does. Don’t look into it so much, ugh.”

Their food comes out in time to interrupt the conversation. Across the table, through salmon noodles and lobster tails, Tina thinks she notices Tammy blushing. But it’s gone by the time she starts scarfing down her pasta. She also seems to have stopped trying to enjoy the dinner like an adult, because she slurps her food up almost as fast as Gene usually does. Tina shrugs it off and starts tugging as much of the lobster as she can out of their shells with a fork. It’s expensive food and she plans to get as much of it as she can into her stomach.

“I don’t see how you can eat that stuff.”

“Well you open the shell and-”

“No, not literally how. I’m not  _ stupid _ . I mean it’s like a bug.”

“I guess. I never really thought of lobsters as bugs.”

“Well they  _ are _ ! Not that I could eat them anyway, but like… Ew.”

Tina dips a forkful in butter and shoves it in her mouth anyway. “Well, I already paid for it so I’m not turning back now.” Tammy makes a disgusted noise, but it doesn’t seem to bother her enough to ruin her appetite. "Why did you sign up for a blind date at a shellfish restaurant anyway? Isn't that not… Kosher?"

"Well yeah, but they have  _ fish _ . I've just been dating so many bad boys lately I wanted to try, like, a sensitive guy. But I ended up with you."

"That's what I was hoping for! I mean, not to avoid bad boys, I wouldn't mind one of those either. But I thought I'd get matched with a guy who isn't afraid if his sensitive side  _ and _ I could make sure he's not allergic to shellfish."

"I'm afraid to ask but… Why the shellfish thing?"

"There's a lot of crabs around here, I don't want someone who's gonna be killed by the beach."

"That's… Dark. But not totally weird, I guess."

"I just like to be prepared."

Tammy sips her 'wine' delicately. "It  _ would _ be super tragic to lose your boyfriend to a rogue crab leg. But, like, you know epipens exist right?"

"Yeah, but what if he doesn't  _ know _ he's allergic?"

"Good point."

It's weird talking to Tammy in a normal way. But it isn't unpleasant. She's still a bit catty but isn't really bringing out her claws. It's almost endearing to listen to her trying to act polite and failing. Almost. 

“I guess I need to figure out some other plans for Valentine’s day…”

“Yeah, I was hoping to pick up a date here too. Jimmy Jr. is with some girl from dance class right now…”

“Ugh, forget Jimmy Jr. Maybe  _ we _ should go on a date for Valentine’s day.”

“Uh… A date?”

Tammy freezes, a big forkful of pasta waiting an inch from her mouth. Her cheeks go red. “No! I mean- I don’t mean a  _ date _ date. I meant like this again. Ugh.”

“I know. I just mean… You don’t really seem like you’re enjoying  _ this _ fake-date very much. And you hate me. I don’t know why you’d want to go on another one.”

“You weren’t like…  _ Super _ annoying this time. I dunno.”

“Oh. Wait, no. That’s not a good reason.”

Tammy groans and puts her fork down. She clenches her fists against the table. “Okay! Fine! I’m only saying this because no one is going to believe you anyway. But I’ve been thinking, maybe, I want to go on a date-date with you.”

“Is… Is this fake date the best date you’ve been on? That’s kind of sad, Tammy.”

“It’s not because of this! I was thinking about it before this, okay?”

“Oh. _ Ooh _ .”

“Don’t just say ‘oh’, Tina!”

“Oh. Uh, I mean.. Sorry. It’s just… I didn’t really expect that of you, Tammy. Like if you were going to ask out another girl I thought it’d be Jocelyn. I even wrote about that in one-”

“Don’t tell me about your freak fictions, just…” Tammy hides her face in her hands and grumbles out, “Tell me if you’ll go on a date with me.”

Tina looks down at the remains of her dinner. Then at her red nails shimmering in the fluorescent lights. “Well… Will you be nicer?”

“What?”

“If I go on a date with you will you be nicer to me?”

“I  _ guess _ yeah.”

“Okay.”

“ _ Okay? _ ”

“Yeah.”

“What do you mean  _ okay _ ?”

“I’ll go on a date with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah I mean. You’re pretty. And I don’t have a date for Valentine’s day. So I dunno… If you’re not gonna just make fun of me on it, I might as well try it.”

Tammy uncovers her face and blinks at Tina a few times, dumbfounded. “You’re not gonna razz me for this?” She leans in closer, over the remnants of her pasta. “I’ve been, like, bullying you! And I wanna go on a date with you!”

“Yeah, that’s really embarrassing.”

“Shut up!”

“ _ But  _ I think you’re nice somewhere under there. So I’m fine with trying it.”

Tammy squints across the table for a moment before shrugging. She shoves the last bite of her dinner into her face. Mouth full, she says, “Yeah, well. Let’s get you a nice outfit for the date. Something red.”


End file.
